Mood: =(





Mood: Sleepy






How many days are there left till the 28th? Less than 5? ahahaha and I haven't revised properly for Biology and Pure Maths. Total suicide. ahaha





Mood: Grawr--> refer to side picture. I am soo tireedd.





It's one of those afternoons again where you just don't seem to have the energy to do anything productive. Although in my case, it should be 'it's just like one of my usual afternoons' not only 'one of those afternoons'. HA..HA.






Yeaaapp another day of BOREDOM on the ummm whichever day it is of the holiday. So far, I've been everything but productive. I tried to start on my Physics homework and found out my calculator is nowhere to be seen. So I lost my mood.
Then I decided to start on my Bio essays but the notes that I need was in the car and the other one is inside the big chunky file covered with countless lazy days' of dust.

I JUST LOST THE FRIGGIN' MOOD TO DO ANYTHING.

On a lighter note, I did manage to come up with something nice on the first day (I think) of the holiday when I was rather full of optimistic enthusiasm towards the holiday. I drew something for my uhh architecture portfolio and to this day... it is still UNFINISHED! AHAHAHA very good, very good Ani.

The inspiration behind this was uhh Islamic Geometric Art, which I found profoundly beautiful and fascinating and very unique on its own. I tried to combine the colour white and bright blue but I didn't find any feasable space on the drawing to apply it.


Grrr. meagre shit it's so depressing. and turns out I dont have the real thing in my laptop. This was the initial draft by the way and the colours are jumbled up.

It sucks that the excitement of the holiday could only be felt during the first few days. Several productive activities were done and it felt very satisfying to do such things. PSR performance, starting on the portfolio, jogging with Nabs and Zati, my small b'day party and father's day celebration and uh... what else.. oh yea the last minute and badly organised picnic.

bla bla yada yada yada bla bla bla bla To be kantiniuddddddddd.

oh yea, did i tell you that I lost my cat. Again. *crickets*













Mood:
Digging: I don't know.

Owh wow geez. The past few weeks have been an emotional wreck. I believe it's that time of the month coming nearer, considering the symptoms that I'm having which only fellow females could understand. It sucks, I get ticked off about petty things pretty easily, saw the negatives in everything and even felt close to tears for so many unexplainable reasons. I can say that life in school have been rather tense and uneventful, confused and unfriendly. And I it is all because of my own behaviour.

(Owh, why can't it come now so I can get over this emotional mess quickly???)


Not to mention that this person at school who I am very terrified to bump into have made me rather fidgety and always feeling worried at school. Damn you. It's scaring the hell outta me that I thought every face that I see anywhere in school is that person's face. See how petrefied I am? haha. It's not like that person's gonna kill me or punch me in the face if we see each other, nothing of that sort. In fact, the sort of things that would happen then is, well, nothing. It would only be me contemplating with my own thoughts. AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

Ok moving on.

Let's talk about school. I don't think I've ever written what I've done at school in details like most bloggers do. It's mainly thoughts here, no? *cricketcricket*...

Anyway, let the boredom begins..

Thursday

Woke up a little earlier than usual cause my older brother had to go for his driving test at 7. In fact, I actually woke up about 40 mins earlier. I thought of finishing my annoying bio homework but ended up lounging at the couch with my cat instead :D.

I arrived at school around 7.10 am I think, which is pretty early. I found out that we actually had to do 2 bio homework, and I havent finished even one and the shortest of them. I went to copy Maz's homework but then suddenly everyone stood up and took their bags to go to the flag pole area for the assembly. =O. I didn't panic even though I didn't have time to finish my homework by copying. haha.

So nothing significant happened from then on, so lets forward too.. hmm where ah.. owh yeah. GP.
We proceeded with our debate. not my group punya debate though cause we already did it a few days ago. Debate was fun. I think if I had the chance to improve and train my speaking skills from a much younger age, I would find debate very interesting. yess.. Sometimes, despite all the fuss and reluctance about having to do speeches and presentations, at the end of the day I actually enjoy doing all of those things.. :D

soon GP's going to be all about.. THE ARTS!!!!! CRAP, I COULDNT GET ANY HAPPIER WHEN I HEARD THIS. THERE'S NOTHING ELSE I WANNA DO THAN THE ARTS. FIRST WE'D DO VISUAL ARTS.. THEN NEXT WOULD BE MUSICAL ARTS. I THINK IT'S GOING TO BE FUN! WE'RE GONNA WATCH SOME MOVIES ABOUT THE ARTS TOO. YAY~

then, I got back my 2nd draft conclusion. Guess what i got? A friggn 3/10!!!!! why?? I remembered staring helplessly at the paper, trying to make one complete sensible sentence and boy, it seemed like the most difficult thing I ever had to do. Everyone else was already finishing their conclusion.

I don't know what has gotten into me lately. Somehow whatever that comes out of my mind just doesn't make sense. And another thing is, how are we supposed to follow the exact conclusion template in the real exam? Wouldn't all our writings sound similar to each other? I guess it doesn't matter, I guess the contents and the accuracy of our grammar are the only thing which do. Composing essays are getting harder for me to do now. Maybe cause I havent read novels and blah blah for so long and I'm doing too much maths. I guess, whatever.

I couldn't concentrate during physics because of that. Stupid conclusion writing. But luckily physics didn't feel that long and soon it was just a few minutes until breaktime. Doing physics always makes me feel that time flies by so fast, which is good cause it means to me that physics is fun and easily takes my mind off things. Sure it is VERY FRUSTRATING ALL THE TIME, but nothing beats the satisfaction that you feel after solving physics, and in that case, mathematical questions.

During break time, I still felt down about that stupid piece of GP shit. Then I had no mood to talk, and seeing those three people sitting close together, having so much fun chatting about whatever things that interest them just worsen everything. I don't like to butt in, I want people to invite me and I'm confused if it's due to my insecurity or my stupid ego. HAHA.

Then CCA period came. The moment I have been waiting for. (oh really? since when?) (since ur mother died, d***head) Went off with Riku to the concourse cause Hafiz ditched me to go somewhere with zimah. Kiddng. haha. Then at the concourse, chairs and tables had taken our space while the space for the kendo group was unoccupied =(. Then riku suddenly went off somewhere and I was left alone. Panic panic. I looked around and saw some karate people, they were about to go somewhere then I grabbed my bag and went off towards them. Luckily they hadn't gone far and saw me. HAHA. They said we're gonna have karate at the canteen. Ahaha, how fun. Luckily again, most people were at their own bloody ccas that there weren't so many people around in the canteen watching us train.

So yeah we began training. Still the same thing lah.. Same moves. but still fun. Of course, why wouldnt it be fun if it's the only thing that I look forward to every thursday? EVENTHOUGH I feel like a big fat loser in the group all the time. Why? because I feel so old among the many junior members and despite being the oldest one I happen to be the one who doesn't know anything. Hafiz seem pretty calm about it though. INSECURE INSECURE INSECURE. I AM SO INSECURE ABOUT MYSELF. And wth man, I think there's something weird about having a junior to train us too. wth, alum jua 50 umur ku ani and i feel so old already. INSECURITY INSECURITY INSECURITY. thank god ada si ampuan. and i don't know why that's such a relief to me. can someone explain? haha.

and also having people to watch every move you make is uncomfortable too. and in karate, that is what mostly happens. they would have to make sure you are doing the right thing; right hand, right leg (by right i mean correct) all in the right posture. not to mention that we have to shout, which i never did cause i know my shout will go above all others cause it's so shrilly and high pitched. I think. *insecurity insecurity*

ok moving on. so after cca, i went to buy iced milo and went straight to maths class. fuck, i didn't even get to cool myself and sit down after the laborious supposedly karate training and there I was, sweaty, walking from the canteen up to the third floor through the agonizing and endless flights of stairs. and there was no heaven to go to at the end of the journey. our maths class is a fucking furnace. The air-conditioners don't work and switching on the fans wouldn't get things any better. thank god I decided to buy an ice cold milo. the others came, i finished my milo and i continued on with my solitude. i didn't wanna talk, and i didnt know what i wanna talk about so i basically just sat there drawing an ugly fat boy with a bowl hair cut at the back of my mechanics note. I just made small small talk lah. urgh. boredom. Then suddenly (and like always) my eyes began to itch and every time i suck the air in, it felt like something was barricading the air passage. stupid, this always happen and i dont bother to know why. i'm guessing its just some of those unexplained sudden allergic reaction, but seriously what could i be allergic to at school? it must be my unwashed hands. from all that karate stretching where i had to actually touch the yucky and dusty (audi's floor is sooo much dustier) canteen floor. yeah that must be it. maybe, i didnt eat so how the hell did i get infected from my hands. and I dont remember rubbing my eyes either.

so maths ended and it turned out my dad has already arrived to pick me up. nice. i had the visions of me in a comfy bed then, wrapped warmly in my pink torn old mickey and minnie mouse quilt in my parents air-conditioned room, watching astro. I was dying to get home.

then in the afternoon i slept until around 4.3o. automatically woke up cause my brain is already familiar with my routine daily schedule. yeah. seriously, it knows that when 4.30 comes i have to wake up to watch the telenovela downstairs. haha. that bloody telenovela which is s getting more and more frustrating and tedious each day. i can't wait for it to end soon. i just lied on the sofa. i found myself extremely tired. my back and left hand ached and i just didn't feel like moving around. I never felt so tired before. i figured it must be because of karate but i remember well how tired karate can make me feel. which is not that bad. so then i concluded it must be the combination of a tiring cca + boring school day + stupid GP conclusion mark + back aches due to my doing homework on the floor for two consecutive days (believe me I had my reasons) + my period is just around the corner + the emotional wreck the previous reason causes.

then at night, i wasted my time watching a movie and internet.

the end.

well, it turns out writing about our day is so much more easier and filling than writing about what we have in our mind. cause the latter needs so much more thinking while the first one needs mostly facts which are we know well ourselves. so yeah whatever, it's too long no one wanna read this one post of mine. I know.

:P

-ANI.